You Are Not Mads Mikkelsen

A lesson to us all.

I’ve been thinking about Mads Mikkelsen almost daily since February 5th, 2021, when I stumbled out of a press screening of Another Round in a giddy daze. I was reminded of how powerful an actor he is, how strange, how funny, how unique.

I recently published an essay on Rough Cut about how intoxicating Another Round is. The exhilaration I left that screening with was incredible, but also felt vaguely dangerous — after two years of sobriety, the final scene of Another Round made me consider drinking again. But to be clear, I don’t think it’s the film’s fault. I don’t think Another Round is a dangerous film — but I do think Mads Mikkelsen is a dangerously compelling actor. Drinking looks cool when Mikkelsen does it, and it’s easy to misguidedly locate the source of this coolness in the bottle rather than in the man. You might come to the conclusion that if you drink, you will look just as cool as he does.

To which I can only offer this: you are not 55-year-old Danish hottie Mads Mikkelsen.

The real lesson of Another Round, I think, is that even the most self-destructive behaviour looks cool when Mikkelsen does it. He’s made people feel charmed by a cannibal since 2013, evidence of his ability to pull off anything with elegance. (He’s a Sagittarius, like Chadwick Boseman and John Cassavetes — they can gracefully get away with things that other people just can’t.) What I’m saying is: the final scene of Another Round is cool because Mads Mikkelsen is cool, not because he’s drinking. Whoever is reading this, I can confidently say that you are not as compelling as he is when you drunkenly dance in a crowd. None of us are.

Casting famously handsome man Mads Mikkelsen in Another Round was almost irresponsible, because it’s impossible for his presence to not glamorise drinking, or smoking, or whatever else he does. This still, which has been used in a version of the Another Round poster, draws me in like a magnet:

It’s painterly in composition, evoking movement, sound, and light all around it. Mikkelsen is practically glowing in the sun, looking great in his suit. He’s in profile while he throws his head back to drink, so that we can all remember his jawline.

Does he know the power that he holds? I feel like his presence should come with a warning: Do not try this at home. You are not Mads Mikkelsen.

Another Round isn’t the only situation where we need this warning. Let’s talk about how cool he looks when he smokes. What a dangerous ability to have! I am quite firmly on team Smoking Isn’t Cool, but unfortunately, Mikkelsen continues to look cool even when doing something uncool. He recently lit up in the middle of a Zoom interview:

The whole interview is about 50 minutes long, and one of the YouTube comments reads: “29:27 if you are here to watch Mads Mikkelsen smoking”. The video description itself simply states: “Mads smoking omfg”. Are any of us even listening to the interview? He does it so casually, so smoothly. Smoke tendrils waft hypnotically around him. He makes it look good.

Anecdotal evidence of this phenomenon: Cliff, the character he plays in Hideo Kojima’s video game Death Stranding. In 2019, Kojima tweeted: “When I first wrote the script, Cliff wasn’t a smoker but I changed his character setting after seeing [Mikkelsen] smoke during the break of filming.” Kojima was so struck by the sight of Mikkelsen smoking that he redesigned his own character to better suit Mikkelsen’s presence.

So, okay, his power even extends to the animated realm, where he reminds us that you can’t spell CGI without ‘cig’ — but if you are or have ever been a smoker, remember the mantra: you are not Mads Mikkelsen. Invest in nicotine patches. Take care of your health. Please, don’t smoke in your next Zoom meeting. The only guy who can get away with that is the guy who got away with opening a bottle of straight vodka in the middle of a Rogue One press interview, and you’re not him:

Mikkelsen also has a glorious tendency to serve the most unexpected looks that, again, neither you nor I could pull off. A friend at a party recently said to me: “It’s because Mikkelsen looks so elegant and refined that any piece of clothing that’s a little off makes such an impact. You don’t expect it from him.”

There are many examples here, but I’d like to begin with my favourite — the image that has been living rent-free in my mind (and taking up all the space) since I saw it — Mads ‘iPad’ Mikkelsen smoking on a Zoom call with a little flower behind his ear:

Of course, in these pandemic days, we all wish we were him — gorgeous grey hair accented with a perfectly-placed flower, hand holding a cig ever so casually, biting our thumb in thought, making the Zoom swoon without trying — but only he could do it. (For further investigation: this tweet identifies two flowers in his hair, which is… almost unbearable?)

On the topic of flowers, there’s also a surfeit of images online of Mikkelsen in flower crowns. They deserve mention because he looks good in them, but I don’t really count them as part of his own style choices — as far as I can tell, the crowns were given to him by fans, probably circa 2013 Hannibal Tumblr. (Let me reiterate that you should not try to pull off a flower crown, because it’s 2021 and you are not Mads Mikkelsen.) This one was the banner image of an article in The Guardian, of all things:

Also, here’s what looks like a tomato crown (?):

‘Tomato crown’ is as good a time as any to move on to his slightly more unhinged (and utterly historic) looks. He has given us many a blessed image over the years, none of which you should try at home — like the time he wore these tiny sunglasses:

Speaking of eyewear, here he is at Seoul Comic-Con, wearing pink heart-shaped sunglasses (and honey, you know he’s got a cigarette):

There’s also this massive fur coat (a look he somewhat revived in his latest role as the resident Bad Bitch/Bad Guy of Chaos Walking — let’s pray they’re both faux):

There are many more, but to conclude I must mention, of course, The Pink Hoodie. If you know, you know. If you don’t, see if you can spot him in this image:

There’s… a lot going on here. The reflective speed-dealer sunnies; the facial expression; the hand gesture; the obligatory Mikkelsen cig — and that hoodie. Here’s another picture of it, backdropped by a photo of Mikkelsen (the duality of man):

Whether it’s chugging drinks, inhaling cigarettes, or making the style choices you’ve just seen, these are the kind of acts that only Mikkelsen could pull off. These are images that are impossible to forget once you have been blessed to witness them. He’s an inspiration to us all — but imitating him is a fool’s errand. Don’t let his handsome face seduce you into risky behaviour. The mantra is, always: You are not Mads Mikkelsen. (And in case you’re struggling to make it out, yes, the hoodie says ROSÉ OVER BITCHES.)